To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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