Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
