I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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