WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
