you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
