I am puke
operation harelip BJ is a go
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
