My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
