I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
