Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
