Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
