Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Can I color on your dick again?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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