I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Holy shit dude........stairs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
