If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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