I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
