I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
