How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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