Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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