You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
