I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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