We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
