I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
