he wants to bone in the snuggie
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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