my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think I died a long time ago.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
