Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
