Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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