I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
