The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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