Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
