I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize