I'm eating all of the evidence.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
