I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
