i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
