I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
