Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
