Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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