Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
should my penis look like a turkey
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
