$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
