In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
