Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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