Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
