I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
