I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
