Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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