The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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