so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
