I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
