how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
