how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
