I could have mohawked her pubes.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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