some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize