dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
