Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
