So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
