apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
