I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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