i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
