ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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