i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
