so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
