You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
