i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
