his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
