dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
