It was confusing and full of hummus
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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