So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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